On the outside everybody thought I was this great, bubbly, happy person. Life is great. I loved life. Life loved me. It’s just, it was very dark and grey and cold. My life was I thought at first amazing, fabulous; but deep down inside I felt very alone, very depressed, uneasy. I didn’t really like the way I was looking. I didn’t really like the way I felt. I felt like I created a sad depressed monster inside of me. On the outside everything was okay, but on the inside I just wanted to cry.
I didn’t want to really face the way I was looking. I thought well, this is the only way I am and I’m not going to be some supermodel or someone on the thinner side. I will be just be who I am, and this is the way I’m going to be for the rest of my life.
I didn’t even know where to begin. What changed? I just thought well maybe if I cut out my five candy bars a day that I normally had, or my soda drinks I would be fine. There were so many questions going through my head, looking at it, where do I begin? It was very, very overwhelming.
My sister had mentioned to me that there were weight loss clinics, and they customized plans for you. I finally started to do some research, and I found a clinic that was near me and I decided to give them a call. I had to push myself. I physically had to push myself. I had to sit there, hold my phone and dial and hit send. I had to tell myself over and over “do not hang up…do not hang up.” Do not hang up because you’ve hung up so much already in the past, you don’t want to give up right now.
I was relived and very nervous at the same time, but it felt good because I knew I was taking a step in the right direction. So the first thing they did was talk about my health. It was a very thorough, in-depth interview with me and what I do.
We did an initial blood panel to make sure there was no diabetes, the cholesterol level was good, my vitamin levels were good. We prescribed a program, it was the OPTIFAST program. I started off on four shakes a day with two protein bars. And I did two fiber drinks with an appetite suppressant.
Three pounds in one week. That’s huge. I started off at almost three hundred pounds, and now I’m three pounds less. So when we added the trainer at the first session, for me I thought she was killing me. I was ready to die. They were simple routines, but it was so difficult. It was difficult to climb three sets of stairs and go down–and to do that twice. I was out of breath by the time I got to the second floor. It was tough, mentally and emotionally. I started to think, what am I getting myself into?
Into my fourth month, I would just look at the menu but I would always go back to the salad or the healthier lighter options. I was understanding that those foods make me feel great. The other foods don’t make me feel great. Once that finally clicked it was like… “oh hi lifestyle! This is amazing!” I learned within these three months that what I put into my body makes me feel good.
There’s always–even today–there’s always temptation. Do I give into that temptation? Yes I do, I’m human. However, I understand that just that little bit, that is all I need. I don’t need a big slice of cheesecake. My weight loss has affected my life by overall gaining more confidence, I feel gorgeous, I can look and feel the way I feel on the inside as well as I do on the outside. They finally match. There are no two sides. It’s one side and one side only.
Reaching a Milestone…
Amazing. I tried on those pants and, I think I was in Old Navy, Old Navy… I put on a size 14 and I screamed the biggest yes in my life. I was just like “YES!” As of today I have lost over a hundred pounds of fat, and I have gained about 20 pounds of muscle.
I am thinking that exactly two years ago I would never, ever be able to run up a hillside, or get up on top of a mountain and enjoy something this beautiful. And not feel like I’m going to die. It’s amazing. It’s really awesome. I did it. Yeah it’s pretty cool. It’s pretty cool.Leave a reply →